If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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