It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize