i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
