White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
