Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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