The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
