I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
