He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
