When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
