what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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