Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
