Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
