every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
