You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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