I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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