i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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