when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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