I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
