Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
