the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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