Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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