walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
