the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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