Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize