i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This house was built for laser tag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
