come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
