it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
