Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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