please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
