it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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