I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
