so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
