Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
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I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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