is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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