3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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