I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
