he thought i was a dude.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize