Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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