butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
