when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
