I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
