ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize