I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
