My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
