The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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