Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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