i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
