I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
