I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
