to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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