well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
