I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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