Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
