HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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