its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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