i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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