Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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