I'm really into asian looking animals
Please, let me fuck your mom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
