whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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