Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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