You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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