I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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