They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
