Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You smell like stripper and shame
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
