I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
