he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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