Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
