As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
