After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i drank out of a bidet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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