hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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