Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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