listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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If this party got busted it would be an improvement
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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