like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
