update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
