I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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