i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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