Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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