we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
